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i'm upset, fustrated, pissed off and happy. [Feb. 29th, 2008|05:01 pm]

i am not enjoying this attachment. 
to be frank, i almost wanted to break down just now. this is the first time i did wound dressing on real patient and that bloody CI was assessing me. i admit i did badly for it and forgot some steps. for freaking sake, this is my first time and i'm sure almost everyone will feel the same as i do. and is it wrong if i followed what my lecturer taught me!?  so the way my lecturer taught me is all the wrong thing? and i'm not used to the metal forcep (scissor that kind), my fault? okay, it's my fault that i didn't know whats APIE just now even though you had told us that before. frankly, i have never heard of that word before and i don't even know it exists before. turns out APIE refers to
assessment, planning, implementation, evaluation. -______-
so while i was doing wound dressing for my patient, i felt so discouraged and upset. i was even thinking to give up doing it since i've already screwed it up. 
she even asked me this while i was doing 'did you pass your wound dressing in school?'
thats like so what the shit. your words made me lost my confident. what 'why the students i assessed know whats APIE?', etc... 

and i don't understand why that 5 cubicles need about 8 students nurses (including the ITE) while there are only 2 student nurses in charge of the other 2 cubicle. yes, i know that one student nurse incharge of one cubicle and there are AN helping you but for freaking sake, they hardly can be seen. parameter, feeding, changing diapers. there hardly any other nurses to help. i even had to change diaper alone most of the times. lucky layching was around to help me take parameter. i'm sorry if i seemed to appear fierce to you that time. i was just too stressed.
and i think that bloody CI seems to love to pick us a lot. what doesn't take initiative to call you to assess us.
first thing. i didn't know you wanted to access us hypocount because my previous CI had already assessed me on that during the last attachment and it is signed under the competant on my log book. so don't even say i didn't bloody take initiative at all because my cubicle has nothing special to do! now, i don't even give a damn whether i got a D for this attachment because i'm going to expect this kind of result anyway. 
sometimes, i feel really regret joining nursing. did i make a right choice? i'm just wondering. 
others have 7 weeks while we only have 4 weeks. others can use the holidays to work and earn themselves about
$5-7 dollars per hour while we only earn about less than $1 per hour. pathetically low!  sigh.

i know it's annoying to see complaints from my blog. anyway, at least there's one thing that can make me happy once i got home today.

took like 9 days to reach here! finally, mr postman delivered just now! lucky today is morning shift. 
next game to look forwards, facial exercise :D